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Below are the 13 most recent journal entries recorded in iamanangelchase's
LiveJournal:
| Wednesday, May 10th,
2006 |
| 3:35
am |
A Scientist Watches the Evening
NewsI do not really believe in a cabal of
conspirators sitting around a table beneath an eye-and- pyramid
in a basement in Geneva any more than Descartes really believed
that an Evil Genius had his brain trapped in a jar, but I
think Descartes had the right idea in positing this paranoia
as the only basis for a truly rational epistemology. We do not
assume the worst is true, but we exercise maximum skepticism
by imagining the worst and asking, "How do we know it *isn't*
true?" The idea, for instance, that 9/11 was really the work of
powerful behind-the- scenes forces who wanted to effect certain
changes in the American political system and/or the world
economy, and not demonic terrorists, deserves to be examined
rationally. Although my personal belief is that things
happened more-or-less as the mainstream media has presented
them to us, I see that belief as irrelevant to the question of
knowledge. I don't *know* what really happened on 9/11 any
more than you do, and it is almost certain that neither of us ever
will. We are wise, then, to withhold judgement idefinitely,
and especially to avoid making important decisions based on
judgements we might otherwise be tempted to make. Politicians
are not citizens in a court of law and should be presumed
guilty until proven innocent, for the same reasons that a man
who stands to lose his life or his freedom as punishment for a
crime should benefit from the opposite presumption, and that
is, that it is better to err on the side of caution. For me,
for now (and probably forever), 9/11 was a tragedy on par with
an earthquake, a hurricane, or a tsunami: Certainly we would
prefer that it never happened, but there is no one to blame
for it but God. Current Mood: pensive
|
| Monday, May 8th,
2006 |
6:09
pm
|
The Military-Industrial-Entertainment-Internet
Dating Complex
So Yahoo's just reconfigured the look of their home page.
Which is fine. What's annoying me is that their hyper-brilliant
pinpoint-accuracy laser-guided marketing software has noticed,
somehow, that I was cruising their "personals" section, once, for
a few minutes, several days ago. Now, as if they were a porn site
that somehow managed to track down my e-mail address, I will never
hear the end of it. Their software remembers my search parameters
and sends me unsolicited daily e-mail "updates" of new potential
matches. On top of that, instead of intresting economic and/or
geopolitical news, the "featured headlines" on my version of the
Yahoo home page have become articles like "Prenups," "20 Questions
for When the Honeymoon is Over," and "Dating Red Flags." In a
moment of weakness, I clicked on the banner for this last one, and
was rewarded with this
tripe, by one Michael Shnayerson who, besides being an editor
at Vanity Fair has
recently shat a book called "The Killers Within: The Deadly Rise
of Drug-Resistant Bacteria."
Now, as far as I can tell, being an editor at Vanity Fair does not qualify
one as an authority on anything, except perhaps the
purchasing habits of trendy rich assholes in New York. Not to
worry, however: Before bestowing his ageless wisdom on dating dos
and don'ts, Shnayerson establishes his ethos by boasting
of "three decades of romantic misadventures." Now, throughout his
article, Shnayerson assumes the tone of a respectable middle-aged
man who's looking for a strong, healthy, lasting relationship and
has somehow been consistenly star-crossed in his efforts to
achieve same. He skirts the obvious question, however, which is:
If you're such a catch, why have you been playing the field
for 30 years?
Of course, those who would question the author's right to
make "objective" judgements about people should remember that he
works in the fashion industry. For Vanity Fair, no less. Which is
in New York. End of story. So those of you who were at a loss
about where to go for dating advice after "Seinfeld" got
cancelled, listen up:
Dating Red Flags: The Dirty Dozen
- Chronic lateness
- Ketchup on eggs
- Rudeness to service personnel
- Scary divorce stories
- A deep attachment to disturbing pets
- Tendency to prefer "flings"
- Demon children
- Men who want to split the check on the first date
- People with strong emotions-either positive or
negative-about their parents
- Bad sex
- Dirty underwear and/or socks
- An undercurrent of anger
So, chronic lateness and rudeness to waitrons are certainly
understandable complaints, as are "flinginess" (if misrepresented
as steadfastness) and the bundling of terribly-behaved children
into the package deal. But putting ketchup on the eggs? Liking
wierd pets? Dirty socks? WTF?
|
| Thursday, May 4th,
2006 |
| 11:44
am |
The Moussaoui TrialSo I'm
completely in a tither about the outcome of the Moussaoui trial. I
am on the one hand pleased that they decided not to execute him,
and on the other fairly vexed that the whole country--even the
judge who sentenced him--seems to regard this as some kind of
failure. I'm apalled by the fact that people across the nation
seem to be *comforting themselves* with the thought that he's
going to spend the rest of his life in supermax custody, which is
by many accounts a fate worse than death. There were jeers in one
editorial to the effect of "he'll rot in a cell before he burns in
Hell." Shame on all of us. To cap it off, there have been
noises about how he's going to be denied even the 5 monthly
non-contact visits afforded to other prisoners in this most
extreme manifestation of solitary confinement, although I really
don't see how they're going to get that one by the ACLU. The
sentencing judge wagged her finger at him and said he would never
get to speak publicly again, but that seems incredibly naive to me
as I really doubt they're going to be able to hold him completely
incommunicado, in which case lines from his letters and/or
interviews will (probably sooner rather than later) find their way
into various "true crime" and other exploitative books, copies of
which will probably end up in the Library of Congress for
indefinite historical preservation on the federal dollar. I would
also point out to the scolding judge that, although most people in
the English-speaking world today know Moussaoui's name, very few
of those same people could produce hers if they were offered money
to do so. I really wish the media had paid more attention
to exactly what crimes he was convicted of, rather than focusing
almost exclusively on the outrageous things he said and did in the
courtroom. The impression I get is that he was mostly convicted of
vocally supporting Osama bin Laden, the 9/11 attacks, and Islamic
jihad in general which, as distasteful as it may be to most of us,
IS NOT A CRIME. Considering that he was actually *in* federal
custody as the 9/11 attacks took place, it would seem that the
worst they could possibly get him on would be conspiracy, and
although there's a long legal tradition of taking conspiracy very
seriously I have always had a problem with it since law school.
Conspiracy is a charge that's relatively difficult to prove beyond
a reasonable doubt (especially when, as in this case, the
defendent WANTS you to believe he was involved) and relatively
easy to trump up with courtroom theatrics and propaganda (again,
much easier when the accused does his best to help you out).
Although the federal prosecutors have produced long lists of
Moussaoui's alleged crimes and he was obviously found guilty on
SOME particular charge, we all know, deep down, that his was
mostly a show trial. 9/11 happened, the people most directly
responsible for it died in the act, Osama bin Laden slipped
through our fingers, and the Iraq war proved to be about something
else altogether: SOMEBODY STILL OWES US AN EYE! So it's
politically expedient to barbecue this guy who's obliquely
connected and who, guess what, wants to be a martyr anyway, so why
don't we give him his chance? Well, they had to try
*somebody* for it, right? Right? Current Mood: annoyed
|
| Wednesday, April
26th, 2006 |
| 7:07
pm |
Resident Evil 4In 1983,
when I was but a tot of eight, a new videogame appeared at the
arcade ("Tilt," it was called) in the local shopping mall. This
was in the days of the Atari 2600, when the arcade experience was
still emphatically superior to that of home-console players. The
new game, "Dragon's Lair," offered a radically different approach
than other games on the market at the time, which were almost
entirely sprite-based. The stand-up cabinet housed an early
laserdisc player, and the game featured full-motion animated
video, giving it a look which was light years ahead of its
competitors like "Centipede" and "Defender." In today's
terminology, "Dragons Lair" was all "cut scenes." Gameplay was
miserably poor, however: It amounted to moving the joystick in a
particular direction at a particular time in the video, thus
affecting the "action" of the game and determining which video
clip would play next. As in a choose-your-own adventure book,
making the wrong choice would lead to death. UNLIKE a
choose-your-own-adventure book, there were no instructions; you
had to guess, based on what was happening onscreen, which
direction to move the joystick and exactly when. The superior
graphics (which even now is often the standard by which all
videogames are judged, rather than playability) justified its
50-cents-a-game pricetag when ALL the other games were just a
quarter. In fact, now that I think about it "Dragon's Lair," may
well be the first 50-cent arcade game I ever saw. I played it once
or twice but quickly recognized it as a rip-off. Choose-your-own
adventure videos, thankfully, did *not* take off in the market,
and "Dragon's Lair" was relegated to the domain of historical
curiosity. Until today! The dunderheads at Capcom have
included the concept in the latest installment of their
highly-successful Resident Evil franchise. On the whole, RE 4 is a
pretty good game. The atmosphere is appropriately 'orrifying
throughout. Also, the game looks spectacular - better than any
other console game I've seen - and the playability of the
shoot-em-up stuff is not bad at all. The environment has some good
"actions" built into it, which can induce some impressively
cinematic spontaneous gameplay. Now, instead of just blasting
everything in sight when the "zombies" attack, you can run into an
empty building, push a dresser in front of the door, run upstairs,
and knock down the ladder that the zombies are using to climb up
and get you *while they're climbing.* Then you can toss a grenade
down on them and watch the parts splatter. The PlayStation 2
version of the game even supports progressive-scan video, so if
you have the right connectors and a good display you can enjoy all
this action in high resolution. The various weapons available to
the male lead, Leon, are satisfyingly powerful and effective, and
there's plenty of the oh-my-god-I-can't-believe-this-new-gun
excitement. Plus, once you've played the game all the way through
you can go back and play parts of it again as a different (female)
character with different weapons and moves, which is a hallmark of
the RE series and a clever way to recycle all those environments
the designers put so much thought into. But it's a long
way from perfect. The storyline and dialogue are *feeble* to say
the least, and although the angry villagers and other beasties
that attack you throughout the game aren't _technically_ zombies
(they're hosts of mind-controlling parasites), you tend to end up
thinking of them as such anyway. It's easy to identify the game's
various cultural influences: the parasites look exactly like
facehuggers from the "Alien" movies, and the
beseiged-in-a-farmhouse-by-zombies motif of the early chapters is
clearly evocative of "Night of the Living Dead." The girl, Ashley,
whom you're supposedly rescuing and who follows you around all the
time, falls in and out of the clutches of the bad guys so many
times you rapidly stop caring. The random scruffy vagabond
"merchants" that inexplicably inhabit the enemy compound to sell
you state-of-the-art weaponry (but no ammunition) during slow
spots in the game stretch the credibility of the storyline well
past the breaking point (to say nothing of the random "shooting
ranges" that you can practice at from time to time). None of the
puzzles are in the least bit difficult. The bosses, while
requiring a good balance of arcade and puzzle-solving skills, are
entirely predictable. If I have to watch one more "nightmarish
transformation" of a humanoid badguy into some kind of
polytentacled arachnid whose only weak spot is its eyes, I'm going
to laugh myself silly. But the absolute worst part of the
game are the random choose-your-own-adventure cut scenes. Those
habituated to "resting" during video game cut scenes are in for a
rude shock: RE 4 demands that you *closely* watch the action of
the cut scenes, because every so often you're faced with a "Press
B quick or die!" scenario. No matter how carefully you play during
the shoot-'em-up portions of the game, these *BOO!* scenes are
almost certain to take you by surprise, the first time, and flush
all your hard work down the drain. They're easy to clear when you
know when and where they're coming, of course, so including them
just seems like a mean way to randomly kill the player his or her
first time through the game. It's almost as if somebody at Capcom
got annoyed with the thought of people not watching their
(insipid) cut scenes, and therefore designed them with built-in
pop quizzes. The final jet-ski chase out of the exploding cavern
is a particularly annoying instance of this. It's easier to kill
the final boss than it is to successfully navigate the caverns on
the jet-ski without being killed, which of course breaks the tempo
of the game's final moments in a very frustrating way.
Still, I enjoyed RE4 enough to play it all the way
through, at least the first time. Faced with the prospect of
starting over as the female character, I find myself less than
enthusiastic, although I'll probably play the new chapters through
anyway so I can see all of her available weapons, which promise to
be much cooler than Leon's, at which point my opinion of the game
may have to be revised somewhat. I'll let you know. But until
then, RE4 gets an emphatic "eh." Current Mood: grumpyCurrent Music:
None
|
| Monday, April 3rd,
2006 |
6:36
pm
|
Garage Separations So it's
an open secret that my initial interest in chemistry, 5 or more
years ago, was spurred by psychedelic drugs. At the time, I was
interested in them, and particularly interested in making them
myself. My goal was not profit, but to experience personally some
of the more exotic substances that were unlikely to be available
on the black market. I have never considered selling, as I
consider eventual legal trouble more or less inevitable once one
begins supplying, to say nothing of the potential ethical problems
associated with facilitating dependence and/or possibly creating
an unsafe product. So I read a lot, back then, about how garage
chemists worked to make illegal drugs "under the radar," as it
were, and even though I never attempted any of it myself, I was
always fascinated at the intellectual challenge of doing
relatively sophisticated chemistry using crude materials and
apparatus.
The classic garage synth is the conversion of
ephedrine or pseudoephedrine into methamphetamine, which
structurally is a simply matter of removing the hydroxyl group at
the alpha position. The chemistry is incredibly straightforward;
the biggest problem is getting hold of the precursours. The common
source for ephedrine and/or pseudoephedrine (which are equivalent
precursors to methamphetamine, as they differ only in the
stereochemistry of the hydroxy group which is removed) has
traditionally been over-the-counter (OTC) medication such as
Sudafed (TM). Ephedrine salt used to be available in "trucker
speed" products such as "Mini-Thins" and in various "nutritional
supplements" and diet pills, but a fairly recent decision by the
FDA has banned the sale of ephedrine in any commercial
pharmaceutical preparation, and there is no other appreciable
legitimate use for it. So ChemHacks are left with Sudafed or
generic equivalents thereof, and the essential problem in the
illilcit manufacture of methamphetamine reduces to the separation
of the precursor (pseudoephedrine) from the rest of the stuff in
the pill itself. The problem is complemented by the manufacturer's
positive efforts to make the active ingredient difficult to
separate. So-called pill "denaturants" are present in essentially
all OTC pseudoephedrine-containing products these days; these
typically take the form of cellulose derivatives which make
separation of the active ingredient by solvent extraction
essentially impossible due to their tendency to polymerize and
bind the active compound into a spongy mass of insoluble inactive
crap.
The way professional chemists separate complex
mixtures (on a scale suitable for bulk preparation, rather than
the very small scale needed for analysis) is column
chromatography. There are many variants of column chromatography,
but the most common laboratory benchtop method is so-called
"flash" chromatography, in which solvent is pushed through the
column by the pressure of compressed gas. Gravity-pressure
chromatography is certainly possible, but it is mind-numbingly
slow compared to vacuum- and/or pressure-assisted variants. As
anyone who's ever done flash chromatography knows, it is at least
as much art as science. With experience high-resolution
separations become a matter of routine, but the required equipment
is conspicuous and the necessary solvent volumes are expensive and
inconvenient. Until recently, however, it seemed like the only way
to go, and the part of my brain that is constantly turning these
sorts of problems over was trying to think of ways to prepare a
flash chromatography setup on a garage scale using only OTC,
hardware-store type materials.
Recently, however, I
discovered that an alternative to flash chromatography does exist.
It's called "dry column chromatography," and as far as I have been
able to discern it is superior to flash chromatography in almost
every way, except perhaps in the achievable resolution of the
separation. For garage purposes, however, the affiliated pay-offs
in terms of equipment accessibility and solvent costs are well
worth it. No doubt some experience will be required to achieve
repeatable and reliable separations, but experimentation is easily
afforded when the operational cost is low.
|
| Monday, March 6th,
2006 |
| 9:17
am |
Do-it-yourself supercritical fluid
extractionSo I've been fascinated with
supercritical fluid extraction ever since the idea was first
mentioned by Dr . VandenBout in my general chemistry class some
four years ago. For the uninitiated, a supercritical fluid is a
substance heated and compressed above its so-called "critical
point," which is a coordinate on the pressure-temperature plane
above and to the right of which the distinction between liquid and
gas becomes meaningless. Theoretically, any substance can be made
into a supercritical fluid, but of course some substances have
more accessible supercritical domains than others. Carbon dioxide,
for example, is the most commonly-used and -studied supercritical
fluid because its critical pressure and temperature are accessible
with relatively inexpensive apparatus. The neat thing
about supercritical fluids is that their capacity to solvate
particular organic molecules can be tuned very selectively by
precise adjustments of temperature and pressure. So they make
useful solvents for industrial processes. In the case of CO2, an
added "green" benefit is that the supercritical solvent is
entirely benign, environmentally. Ever since I first
learned about supercritical fluid extraction, I've been interested
in the possibility of constructing a "garage-scale" supercritical
fluid reactor. After doing some light reading on the subject in my
old instrumental analysis book, I realized that, if a suitable
pressure vessel could be found, performing supercritical fluid
extraction of, say, natural products or pharmaceuticals could be
readily conducted by the average shmoe in his garage using widely
available materials. It is not even necessary to purchase or rent
a high-pressure CO2 cylinder, as grocery-store dry ice can serve
as the CO2 source, and can be conveniently measured out in the
solid phase by weight or even volume. Simple calculations using
the ideal gas equation give particular volumes and weights of dry
ice to achieve particular pressures at particular temperatures.
The dry ice is simply loaded into the pressure vessel, along with
the material to be extracted, before sealing. The spreadsheet
below gives all necessary physical constants and the results for
an 8-quart pressure
vessel:
DIY SCF Calculations |
|
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| |
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| PV = nRT |
|
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| |
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|
|
| SCP(CO2) |
100 |
bar |
|
98.69233 |
atm |
1450.377 |
psi |
| SCT(CO2) |
40 |
C |
|
313.15 |
K |
|
|
Ves. Vol. |
8 |
qt |
|
7.570824 |
L |
|
|
| R |
8.21E-02 |
L
atm mol-1 K-1 |
|
|
|
|
|
| MW(CO2) |
44.01 |
g/mol |
|
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|
| d(CO2[s]) |
1.6 |
g
cm-3 |
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| |
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|
| n=PV/RT |
29.08 |
mol |
1279.7 |
g |
799.8 |
mL |
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| The big
problem turns out to be the pressure vessel. My first thought was
that a high-end kitchen pressure cooker might do the trick. NOT
SO. A "high pressure" in the world of pressure cooking is 15 psi
overpressure, which is about 2 atm. To access the supercritical
fluid domain for CO2 requires nearly 50 times that pressure. A
pressure cooker would explode (messily) long before the necessary
pressure could be achieved. What's more, that pressure
needs to be dynamically maintained. To recover solutes by
supercritical fluid extraction, the SCF itself is slowly bled from
the reactor and bubbled through an appropriate solvent, e.g.
methanol. The CO2 blows off into the atmosphere and the goodies
remain behind in solution. The reactor, however, needs to be
designed to maintain constant pressure during this slow bleeding
of the SCF. On a garage scale, this might be achieved by steadily
elevating the vessel's temperature to compensate for bubbled-off
SCF, but what effects the temperature ramp may have on substrate
solubility are unknown to me. In "professional" SCF reactors,
constant pressure is maintained by employing a syringe-type
pressure mechanism in which reactor volume is continuously
decreased during the extraction. Even if the "temperature ramp"
method proposed above proved workable, the development of a useful
garage-scale technique would still await the discovery or
invention of a suitably accessible pressure vessel.
|
| Sunday, January
15th, 2006 |
| 4:52
am |
Despair Perhaps 15 minutes
ago I awoke from another dream featuring characters and scenes
from my adolescence. I was wandering around in the upstairs rooms
I enjoyed as a teenager in our house in Richardson, TX, and my
longtime-schoolmate Joel Efrussy was there. I was explaining to
him in an expert tone my theory of the causal link between certain
types of coat-hangers and various disease-states--some types of
coathangers could cause anemia, for instance. My tone was
sardonical, and Joel understood it to be sardonical, but both of
us winked at the joke and played along, he nodding and grunting
appreciatively, and I gesturing and expounding dramatically.
During the discourse I wandered back and forth between my sitting
room and my bathroom, changing clothes, and I definitely remember
that at one point I was talking to him with my pants around my
ankles, wearing only boxers besides. I was at ease in this
condition, but he was not. Before he left he regarded me with
concern and asked if I were abusing cocaine, and I assured him
that I had not taken cocaine in a very long time. After he left it
seemed like a lie, and I had to reassure myself again that, no, I
was not abusing cocaine.
Which is the last thing I
remember before awaking, again myself at 30. In the foggy
transition state that is more waking than sleeping but not very
clearly either, I was assailed by a sense of nostalgia for friends
and associates from high school--Joel, Lindsey Grayson, Melissa
Henry. I could not, at the time, remember Melissa's name, but I
did remember catching mononucleosis by kissing her, which led
eventually to my two-years-long bout with tonsilitis and
associated health problems, and which I mark as the beginning of
the depression which characterized most of my 20s and the origin
of my taste for prescription painkillers. I began then to think of
my mother, and of the fact that, at thirty, I am still the focus
of her irrational anxiety, when it materializes, and of the
responsibility that devolves upon me in that position. I had again
the thought, which assails me in times of despair, that I was
living only to protect my mother from the pain of my death, and
that--somewhat shamefully I write it--once she were gone I would
at last be free to die. Then the mounting pressure of despair was
upon me, and I felt panic swell as I lay there in the darkness in
the bed with my beloved, and in that moment even she I questioned,
and some effort was required not to begin crying.
And I
was reminded of a scene from Roman Polanski's film "The Tenant,"
in which the protagonist, played by Polanski himself, witnesses a
similar emotional breakdown in a woman in a cafe who is, to him,
essentially a total stranger. She is so far gone that she does not
care whether she weeps publicly or not. After looking
uncomfortable for a moment, he rises to the occassion, grips her
by the arm, and says with appropriate concern, "You must not give
in to despair." The sense of the scene (the mise-en-scene,
maybe?), however, is that it's a hopeless effort and he is rather
naive to try to help her. Still, I was comforted by the memory of
the line--"You must not give in to despair"--and I think that is
because it both offers practical advice to the desparate and, in
its succinctness, in its familiarity, in its _ethos_, it suggests
a commonality of experience which is the best balm for profound
suffering: The sense that one is not alone in one's unhappiness.
We all know the experience of despair. It is utterly common to the
human condition, and the sin is not in feeling it, but in giving
up in the face of it. There *is*, of course, a certain reward that
comes to those who _do_ give in to despair, but it is a bitter
peace, and it is characterized by the kind of eagerness for death
that culminates in suicide. Acceptance of death, of course, is a
fundamental spiritual milestone, but I do not believe at present
that total abnegation of hope is the correct route thereunto.
Which leads me to consider the sensation of despair: What
is it? The adjective that first comes to mind, when I
free-associate the word "despair," is "overwhelming," and I think
if we were to examine the average English sentence containing the
word "despair," very often the word "overwhelming" would appear
nearby. Despair overwhelms us, in the sense that we feel powerless
or hopeless before it. That, indeed, is the essence of
despair--the obliteration of hope beneath a crushing wave of
guilt, sadness, and anxiety. These emotions are the triple threat
of depression: The afflicted person is guilty about the past, sad
about the present, and anxious about the future. All three
temporal faculties--memory, perception, and imagination--are
colored by darkness. This taxonomy is interesting to me, in that,
like all taxonomies, it suggests a systematic approach to the
problem: To manage despair, we need healthy ways of responding to
the past we remember, to the present we perceive, and to the
future we imagine.
Now, as I write, both the act of writing
and the physiochemical transition from sleeping to waking have
relieved me--the despair I felt on awakening has evaporated almost
completely and I can see the potential of the day. This is a
transformation I have to undergo almost every day of my life.
Usually on waking (in the morning, at least), I am more or less
miserable, and the temptation to retreat back into sleep, rather
than face the uphill climb into consciousness, is strong, which is
why I frequently sleep so late. If I am somehow obliged to be
awake, I will eventually overcome my inertia and find my happy
place again, but very often it takes an hour or two to get there.
I have a hard time with afternoons, as well. My best times are the
dusk-hours from 6 to midnight; this is the time that the earth
seems most beautiful to me. This type of daily mood-cycle, again,
is characteristic of the clinically depressed, although, like most
of the qualities of that disease, almost everyone experiences it
to a lesser extent. Thus we have "morning people" and "night
people." This observation itself suggests a strategy: I should try
to schedule my activities so that I can sleep during the times of
day which are most unpleasant to me.
And that's what all
this is about, ultimately: strategies. I was terribly afraid when
I began this journal that it would be nothing more than an
exercise in adolescent "whine-tasting"--a chance for me to come
out and pray openly on the streetcorner like the Pharisees. BUt
that's not what it is: It's about examining my emotions so I can
find intelligent ways of coping with them. Did I make any progress
today? I think so. Recognizing that I'm a night person and
planning my days accordingly--that is, chiefly to avoid
obligations in the afternoon--is a good one. Another useful trick
is recognizing the difficulty of mornings for me and trying to
plan to ease them: going to bed early, taking measures to ensure
comfortable sleep, and doing something I enjoy first thing are all
useful strategies in this regard. Also, the breakdown of phenomena
into memory/perception/imagination is also a useful starting
point--I should begin collecting positive mediations for each
mode. I already have one: the guided mindfulness regime
promulgated by Jon Kabat-Zinn is exactly a meditative exercise for
improving the present. That may be the best place to begin.
|
| Thursday, January
12th, 2006 |
| 12:07
pm |
Salutaridine Synthase Today
I met with Dr. Marvin Hackert, a specialist in protein
crystallization at the University of Texas at Austin, to discuss
my plans to isolate and crystallize an enzyme critical in the
biosynthesis of morphine, which I imagine as a step on the way to
developing a synthetic or semi-synthetic catalytic preparation for
use in the manufacture of morphine. The enzyme, salutaradine
synthase, has not previously been crystallized and the purpose of
doing so would be to determine its 3D structure, particularly at
and around the active site.
My notes from the meeting
suggest a two-sided approach to the problem, which might be called
top-down and bottom-up. The top-down approach is theoretical; it
begins with the enzyme's gene sequence, or that of an isoform, and
would approximate the 3D structure by computerized "fitting" of
the primary sequence derived from the genome to the known
structure of an analogous protein, if one can be found. Although
inexact, this approach has the virtue of being inexpensive. It
could give useful insight into the structure of the active site
and, hence, to the mechanism of catalysis, thus paving the way for
the development of an entirely synthetic catalytic system. The
program to perform the "morphing" operation in which the sequence
is extrapolated to a structure by analogy to a known protein is
called SWISS-PDB, and is freely available through the internet.
On the practical side, the approach would be to isolate
and purify the enzyme from a homogenous biological sample,
crystallize it, and attempt to regenerate its catalytic activity
in vitro. It would appear that the 1995 Amann, et. al, paper
includes an assay that depends on the catalytic activity of the
enzyme to track it through the isolation and purification process.
This is something of a revelation, as my previous understanding
was that the enzyme was inert apart from its associated cell
membrane and that it had not been regenerated in vitro. It's a
good sign because it indicates that such regeneration is possible
and, moreover, routine enough to be used as an assay. Even if I
fail ultimately to determine empirically the protein's structure,
development of a reusable catalyst derived from the biological
matrix could provide publishable and patentable results. Although
this secondary goal does not require elucidation of the enzyme's
structure, the effort to crystallize the protein is wasted in the
absence of sequence data, because ultimate structural
determination depends on both an x-ray diffraction pattern and
knowledge of the primary structure.
First
questions:
1. What parts of the poppy genome have been
sequenced?
2. Is there compelling evidence of the
existence of salutaradine synthases in man?
3. Are the
seminal investigators still working on this problem and are they
willing to talk?
4. How much protein should I reasonably
expect to need for the crystallization project?
|
| Tuesday, January
3rd, 2006 |
| 3:06
pm |
Back to What I Do Best - Part
II My second idea is more trivial and probably
doesn't have useful applications--or at least, not any that could
not be done more safely and reliably by electronic or
electromechanical systems. Briefly, it is a light-sensitive
chemical fuse for explosives, and is inspired by the
chemical-time-delay fuses used by Allied amphibious saboteurs
during the Second World War to set off "Limpet" magnetic mines
below the waterlines of enemy ships in port. This fuse, the
operation and history of which are explained in great detail on
pp. 98-99 of Dorling-Kindersley's "The Ultimate Spy Book," used a
mixture of water and acetone to dissolve a celluloid disk
restraining a spring-loaded firing pin; when the disk dissolved,
the pin was released to mechanically initiate the primer charge.
The concentration of acetone in the water-acetone mixture
determined the rate of dissolution of the celluloid and, hence,
the delay before firing. Fuses were equipped with interchangeable
glass ampoules containing various concentrations of acetone and
water which had been calibrated to produce various delays ranging
from several days to a few hours and identified by color-coding
the ampoule glass. An orange ampoule, for instance, produced a
delay of 6 to 9 hours, depending on the ambient temperature. The
fuses were armed by turning a screw which crushed the ampoule,
spilling its contents onto the celluloid disk and beginning the
process of dissolution.
My own idea works along the same
general principle, but uses a different chemical system to release
the firing pin in response to daylight. The charge is placed
during the nighttime hours and is armed by removing a cap covering
the transparent reaction chamber. When the sun rises, the light
enters the exposed reaction chamber and initiates a radical
chain-reaction between liquid bromine and a suitable alkane,
producing the corresponding haloalkane and, most importantly,
hydrobromic acid. The acid dissolves a thin metal disk restraining
the firing pin and thus initiates mechanical detonation as in the
Limpet mine. Because the reaction is a chain process, the presence
of even a small amount of radical initiator, such as that produced
by heat-induced homolytic decomposition of molecular bromine,
could ultimately cause premature release of the pin. Such an
eventuality would render the fuse useless and would be dangerous
to the operator. Thus the system must be stabilized by the
addition of a few percent of a radical inhibitor such as TEMPO
(2,2,6,6-tetramethylpiperidinoxyl). This would prevent
"substoichiometric" exposure to light and/or heat from initiating
the reaction.
"Tuning" the system to produce the proper
combination of substrate alkane, reactant concentrations, and disk
metal and thickness would be the object of some applied research.
The design criteria are that the system be shelf-stable,
heat-resistant, shock-resistant, economical, and fast-acting under
the appropriate conditions.
Certainly there are electronic
systems already in existence that could serve analogously as a
photofuse. Thus some advantage must accrue to the use of an
all-chemical system to justify the development expense. The
chemical system proposed is fairly straightforward and is derived
from a basic reaction found in any respectable sophomore organic
chemistry text. For this reason, such a device is relatively
obvious and may already have been developed, patented,
manufactured, and/or used. Likewise, there may be a more esoteric
photosensitive reaction that could be better made to serve the
same purpose. I'd have to peruse the patent and academic
literature to determine these questions, and given that no
compelling demand for the chemicomechanical switch seems to exist,
such researches are probably not worth the effort. Lastly, I would
point out that, although the device I propose has been described
hereinbefore as a fuse for detonating explosives, it could in fact
be applied to any single-use photoswitching application; one
simply would substitute the firing pin with a spring-loaded
electrical switch or mechanical linkage that would activate
whatever mechanism.
|
| 3:04
pm |
Back to What I Do Best Today
I put personal, philosohical, and aesthetic/literary speculation
aside for a moment to concentrate on my preferred activity, which
is invention. And by that I mean invention in the Thomas Edison
sense. My friend Billy once told me that he could see me making a
living as an old-school bowtie wearing "inventor," and many of my
lifescripts involve coming up with some clever new product or
process and starting up a company to exploit it commercially.
Today I have two ideas that came to me while reviewing my
sophomore organic chemistry text in preparation for the Spring
qualifying exam in the UT O-chem division.
The first is a
computerized reaction-predicting expert system incorporating a
large neural-net architecture and trained using the CAS reaction
database. One of the foremost marketable skills of an accomplished
chemist is his or her ability to make better guesses than most
folk about what will happen chemically when particular substances
are combined under particular conditions. This ability accrues
from long years of experience performing and studying chemical
reactions and by the judicious application of analogic reasoning.
A neural net is a computer system which imitates in a data
structure the connectivity of animal neurons in a brain, and has
been proven and applied to be useful--just like a human brain--in
many complex pattern-recognition problems. At UT, for example,
departmental chemists are working on developing an artificial
chemical analysis system that imitates the human system of taste,
mostly in that it uses a neural net and must be trained, like a
real brain, to recognize certain chemical species by their
"flavor." Basically, a large number of colorimetric chemical
probes are combined into a single raster image, with each pixel
representing the colorimetric response of a particular probe. The
neural net "looks" at the complex picture that results and, during
the training process, learns to associate particular patterns with
particular analytes; subsequently it is able to identify solutions
containing the same or similar analytes. Research is ongoing to
develop the resolution of the system to a manportable "electronic
tongue" that could be used to qualitatively identify all kinds of
chemical mixtures in real-world applications. An interesting
result of the neural-net pattern recognition process is that IT
DOES NOT MATTER EXACTLY WHAT EACH CHEMICAL PROBE IS RESPONDING TO,
only that there are a lot of them and that they respond in
different ways. Thus the designers, builders, and operators never
need to know if the color changes are happening as a result of pH
or hydrophobic interactions or enzymatic complexing or any other
conceivable chemical process--as long as there are a sufficient
number of independently-responding probe channels the resulting
patterns can still be diagnostic of particular analytes.
I
propose to use the same technology to predict what will happen in
a chemical system containing particular substances under
particular conditions. The user inputs the chemical species
present and the reaction conditions--including pressure and
temperature ramps--and the system makes qualitative and
quantitative predictions as to the outcome. It does this not by
simulation or by theory-based calculations, but by pure
neural-net-based pattern recognition based on extensive training
from a database of known reactions. Since the introduction of
computerized information storage and retrieval in chemistry, the
Chemical Abstracts Service (CAS) has been assembling a large
electronic database of experimentally-proven reactions; today this
database contains tens of millions of known reactions including
products, conditions, and yields, all already stored in an
electronic format designed to be machine-parsable. So the software
I propose would simply build an enormous virtual neural-net on a
computer's hard disk (as large and complex a net as can be
reasonably constructed given the presen state of the computational
art), and then would automatically parse the entire CAS reaction
database and use it to train the neural net. Subsequently the
system's predictions would be tested against the outcome of real
chemical reactions which were not part of the training set.
Whether initially successful or not, the system could be designed
to automatically familiarize itself with new reactions as the CAS
reaction database was updated. Sooner or later in the course of
technological history, depending on the rate of development of
computational power and on the rate of accumulation of chemical
knowledge in the CAS database, the system *will* begin to make
practically useful predictions. My own intuition is that both
contributing factors are already sufficiently advanced to allow
useful predictions to be made given the present-day condition of
technology, but of course only actual development and testing of
the system will tell for certain. In fact, I would be surprised if
such a system is not already in development/operation. If anyone
who reads this knows of such an effort, I would love to hear about
it.
|
| Friday, December
30th, 2005 |
| 4:32
pm |
The Walking Dead Vol. 4 - FAIR WARNING: MANY
SPOILERS WITHIN So I've been reading this comic
book, _The_Walking_Dead_, by Robert Kirkman, Charlie Adlard, and
Cliff Rathburn. The geist of the narrative is the realistic
dramatic depiction of the lives and loves of a group of survivors
of a zombie apocalypse. It is gritty in its realism and generally
(surprise) very depressing. The protagonist is white-boy
small-town-hero cop Rick, who is shot in the line of duty, falls
into a coma, and wakes up alone in the hospital a month after
Z-day. He sets out for Atlanta, hoping against hope that his wife
and child have survived and are in hiding there. Miraculously, he
finds them, intact and in the care of his partner and best friend,
among a group of survivors camped outside of the city awaiting
government rescue. In his absence and based on the presumption of
his death, Rick's partner has begun to move in on Rick's wife, and
Rick's unexpected return initiates a power struggle between the
two friends that culminates in the breakdown of the partner and,
ultimately, in his death in a defensive shooting by Rick's young
son. The remaining survivors take Rick as their leader and,
realizing that no one is coming to rescue them, set out across the
countryside in search of a safer place to live. They have several
false starts and lose many of their party in heart-wrenching ways
before happening upon a maximum-security prison, which they all
recognize immediately as an ideal survivalist encampment, assuming
they can clear the zombies out frist. In the process of doing so,
they discover four surviving prisoners holed-up in the cafeteria:
Dexter, a big scary black guy who killed his cheating girlfriend
and her lover; Axel, a big scary white guy who looks a little like
a Hell's Angels Santa Claus; a forgettable-by-design skinny black
ex-junkie who is Dexter's punk lover; and, lastly, a wimpy
bespectacled nonthreatening balding middle-age white guy who
admits conviction for "tax fraud." The outsiders join forces with
the prisoners and secure the rest of the prison for safe
habitation. Things seem to be going well until one of our favorite
female characters turns up decapitated. Immediately suspecting the
convicted murderer, Rick and his party lock Dexter up again in his
old cell. Two little girls are decaptiated and another woman
mutilated before the killer is revealed, somewhat predictably, as
the nonthreatening "tax" criminal. The murders raise an archetypal
problem in survivalist fiction, viz. the re-establishment of law
and order. Rick steps to the fore and, like Moses, declares the
new law: "You kill, you die." The killer is thrown to the zombies
outside the prison gate.
Meanwhile, with the assistance of
his lover, the embittered Dexter breaks out of his cell and into
the heretofor-sealed-off "A block" of the prison, where he raids
the armory. Brandishing a shotgun, he corners Rick and his party
by the gate and demands: leave the prison or die. Unfortunately,
Dexter and his lover forgot to close the A-block door behind them
when they left, and the standoff is interrupted by the flood of
hungry zombies they unwittingly released. The ensuing battle pits
all the survivors--Dexter and his lover included--against the
walking dead. During the course of the firefight, a zombie
ambushes Dexter from behind and Rick--perhaps acting
reflexively--shoots it in the brain, thus saving Dexter's life.
Dexter glares at him and says "Don't mean shit. That don't change
a fucking thing. Smart man woulda let it get me."
Upon
which Rick, after thinking it over for a second, calmly shoots
Dexter through the head. Subsequently, he blames Dexter’s death on
anonymous and accidental "friendly fire" during the pitched battle
with the zombies.
This decision on Rick's part, to kill
Dexter in more-or-less cold blood, eventually precipitates a moral
crisis amongst the survivors and, by proxy, amongst the book's
real-world readership. As a result of it, Rick is demoted from his
position as sole leader and a voting council of four men (on which
Rick himself has a seat) installed in his place. Rick is not upset
by the demotion, but is, rather, by the judgment against his
character which devolves from his killing of Dexter.
Which
is really what I went through all of that to discuss. Although
clearly in contradiction to Rick's rather simple-minded
you-kill-you-die edict, my own emotional reaction to Rick's
decision is that it was prudent, both from the point of view of
personal self-defense and, especially, from the special position
of authority and responsibility which is Rick's as designated
leader of the group. Dexter's attitude, words, and actions clearly
indicated that he regarded and would continue to regard Rick and
his party as enemies, and that as soon as the immediate threat of
zombie attack was met, his assault on Rick, Rick's family, and the
group under Rick's protection would be renewed. Given the
life-or-death consequences of expulsion from the prison, Rick's
decision is clearly justified. His biggest mistake is trying to
cover it up by blaming the killing on "friendly fire," which he
justifies later by claiming he did not want so openly to
contradict his own edict and thus potentially undermine the
group's faith in him as a leader. This, of course, is the ultimate
result anyway, but it might not have been--indeed, I would argue,
it SHOULD not have been--if Rick had come clean about the killing
at the time. His first and most fundamental mistake was to
establish a homicide law with no provision for justified
self-defense, which the killing of Dexter rather clearly
constitutes.
If the incident in which Dexter scorns Rick’s
saving of his life had not taken place, the issue would not be so
clear-cut. In shooting the zombie threatening Dexter, Rick has
diverted his attention, his efforts, and his ammunition from the
defense of himself and his allies. Things being as they are, he
would have been perfectly justified in not doing so; even Dexter
himself acknowledges this. That he does so in spite of their
prevailing conflict is evidence of the goodness of his
character—-he still hopes that Dexter’s relationship to the group
can be repaired and, perhaps, believes that life in and of itself
is worth saving. Dexter’s ingratitude at the gesture is
infuriating in its vulgarity and its stupidity; smart man, we are
tempted to chastise him, woulda kept his mouth shut. From a
legalistic perspective, moreover, it provides all the evidence
Rick needs that Dexter is a continued threat and should be
eliminated as a matter of rational self-defense. This is the
important point: Dexter’s statement is evidence of his ongoing
hostile intent.
So offensive is Dexter’s ingratitude, in
fact, that in itself it might seem grounds for Rick’s action. It
is tempting, along this line, to argue that Rick’s saving of
Dexter’s life entitles him, for at least a short of period of
time, to renege on that decision and end it. This is in keeping
with the tradition, in many cultures, that a person whose life is
saved by another is thereby indentured to that person, in a sense,
and is obliged to serve his or her savior until death or the
return of the favor. Consider the following twist on the
situation: Dexter is in the act of staging a public suicide, with
a gun to his own head, when the zombie attack breaks out. Rick
then saves his life exactly as before, and Dexter responds, again
ungratefully, weeping, “Shoulda let it get me, man. Shoulda let it
get me.” Would Rick then be justified in killing him? Most folks,
I think, would say “no.” Therefore we reject the notion of a
special “license to kill” that devolves upon Rick on his saving of
Drexel’s life, and likewise of the “aesthetic” argument that
Drexel’s ingratitude itself justifies the homicide.
But,
given that the killing-as-told is clearly justifiable, why is Rick
judged? Certainly he made mistakes, as mentioned above: He
established an overly-simplistic law and then tried to cover up
his own violation thereof. But overall his actions were entirely
well-intentioned if not, perhaps, as well-thought-out as they
might be. Rick is a cop, after all, not a lawyer or an
intellectual. Why then does Tyreese, in particular, hold him to
blame for Dexter’s killing? The answer, in keeping with the
general direction that many of the book’s subplots are moving, is
racism. Tyreese, a strong black man who, up to this point in the
story, has been Rick’s best friend, made a brief living as a pro
football player before Z-day. Although, by his own admission, he
was not very good and did not last very long in the pro league, he
made enough money during his brief stint to establish a
comfortable middle-class living for himself and his daughter, who,
in one of many tragic subplots, dies in a suicide pact with her
white boyfriend early on in the story. Tyreese understands, in a
way that Rick probably never can, the anger Dexter must’ve felt at
being wrongly imprisoned for a crazy white man’s crimes, and
surely he must wonder, if Dexter had been white, would Rick still
have pulled the trigger? Dexter, as I’ve already hinted at, was
(probably deliberately) drawn by the book’s authors as the
prototypical white suburbanite’s nightmare nigger: physically
powerful, none too bright, extremely angry, and prone to violence.
Although Rick, unlike some of the book’s other characters, is not
consciously racist, he is a white police officer from a small town
in Georgia, and the other survivors-—who were probably not privy
to the brief dialogue that precipitated the killing—-must surely
wonder to what extent Rick’s subconscious fears might’ve motivated
the shooting. Rick’s hypocrisy in the application of his own moral
code, by which he himself should be killed for killing Dexter,
also invites racist suspicions when compared to the treatment of
the “tax criminal.” Although their crimes are not really
comparable, the code that justified the execution of the murderer
clearly justifies Rick’s own execution, and the fact that such
reciprocation isn’t even briefly considered by any of the parties
concerned seems to suggest that, while killing a white woman will
get you thrown to the zombies, killing a black man elicits little
more than a slap on the wrist. It’s somewhat of a manufactured
crisis that can be dispelled with a bit of rational thinking, but
as any reader of the book must understand, people, and these
characters in particular, aren’t always rational people. Clearly,
a storm of racial tension is coming in book 5.
Whew. That
was a lot of high-minded speculation over a comic book, but it
felt good to do it. Although I was somewhat disappointed with the
4th and most recent volume of The Walking Dead, the fact that it
elicited so much moral speculation on my part indicates that it’s
still an effective and engaging story. My disappointment on
finishing the 4th volume was really the disappointment of a junkie
who, having waited three months to score, finds that he has not
bought enough dope to satisfy his craving. The storyline of TWD is
incredibly engrossing, and, because of the nature of the comics
medium, it can be consumed orders of magnitude faster than it can
be produced. Although it’s an ideal situation in terms of sales
and marketing, it’s not really enjoyable, as a reader, to be
constantly strung out. I have the option, of course, of buying the
individual monthly issues instead of the bound quarterly volumes,
but that is somewhat of an affront to my compulsive side, which
wants my entire TWD collection to be in a consistent format. Maybe
I’ll buy the monthly issues and then sell them back when the
quarterly volumes come out, if I can find a place that will buy
them from me.
If you managed to stick with me through all
that, all I can say is “Thanks.” :) If you feel inclined, you
might do me (and yourself) a favor: go out and buy or borrow the
series, read it for yourself, and let me know what you think. John
Gardner has called fiction the art of “concrete philosophy;” if
that’s so, then arguing about books and their meanings is one of
the best things we can do to better ourselves as philosophers.
|
| Thursday, December
22nd, 2005 |
| 8:22
pm |
Opting Out Christmas is a
hard time to think about opting out of consumer society. Or maybe
not. In one sense, it's hard because all around people are buying
stuff and receiving gifts and generally wrapped up in the material
posessions that make them happy. So envy, of both posessions and
people, can make it hard. On the other hand, wanton
commercialization around the holiday season has gotten so bad that
even the most jaded yuppies probably notice it. So our moral and
aesthetic judgements of the season's excesses can make it easier
to consider alternatives.
The most important thing I've
done to "opt out" of the society of desire is stop watching
television. On the one hand, this has improved my life because I
do not, in general, suffer from cravings for the latest video
games or movies or cars or books or other widgets. Also, I am
freed from the paranoid atmosphere which television advertisers,
journalists, and dramatists foster each for their respective
purposes. The down side is that I also feel, at times, very alone,
very excluded from the collective consciousness of the species
which, let's face it, is centered squarely on the boob tube. The
internet can help a lot in this latter regard; if I would use it
more dilligently than I do now it would be relatively easy to
substitute an online virtual community for the virtual community I
lost when I turned away from TV. And the online community is
superior to the television community in many ways. For one, it
listens when I talk back to it.
Another thing I've done to
opt out of consumer society, deliberately or accidentally, is to
surround myself with intelligent people who don't care overmuch
about such things. Austin, TX, is a good place to be interested in
nonconsensus reality, because despite the best efforts of the
Starbuckses and Piers 1 of the world, Austin is still wierd. And
austin will probably always be weird, to a greater or lesser
extent, because of the concentration of educated intellectuals
from all over the state at the University of Texas. The state and
the school are some of the largest in the nation, and Austin tends
to function as a refuge for bright young folks from the ignorant
backwoods hellholes they were raised in. I would not go so far to
say that rural life is inherently bad, but there's no question
that people in big cities tend to be better educated and better
paid. Austin, in particular, is often touted as the most educated
city in the world on a per-capita basis. Even the cable guy's got
an MA in something or other. And the most essential process of
education is to make people tolerant of others' viewpoints.
What's more, I'm situated close enough to the University
where I work and learn that I don't have to use my car very often.
In point of fact, it would be fairly easy for me to do without a
car entirely in my present situation; groceries, entertainment,
food, work, and education are all within a few blocks' walking
distance of my front door. College campuses tend to be some of the
greatest pedestrian communities in the world, and UT's, being so
large and so old, is a fairly stellar example. I've got a friend
who's been living in west campus for years without a car, caring
for his sick mother, walking everywhere and working out of a small
apartment priced for and targetted at the student market. The
*dis*advantage of this location is that the real estate is
expensive, and thus that the population tends to be wealthy
rich-kid and frat-brother types. So from a
keeping-up-with-the-neighbors perspective, it can be hard to adopt
an openly anti-materialist lifestyle.
Still, all and all,
I'm not doing too badly. I make $1600 a month and it's more than
enough for me; in fact I'm inadvertently saving up quite a bundle
while I'm in school. By the time I graduate I will probably be
able to put a down-payment on a house. What I need to be doing
right now is paying more attention to my living space; it needs to
be cleaned and redecorated to be really comfortable, and up to now
I really haven't had the emotional energy or the time to do these
things since, barring spending a lot of money, they entail a lot
of work. Hopefully over the winter break I'll have time to get
some of that done.
So what did I resolve? First, to put
more effort into developing and maintaining an on-line community
that I can feel a part of as a TV-replacement. Second, to pay more
attention to the upkeep of my pad, so that it's a pleasant place
to be both by myself and with company.
|
| Wednesday, December
21st, 2005 |
| 10:51
am |
Journal-keeping I've defiled
so many virgin journals in my life; I can never commit. I can be
pretty good about keeping a journal when my life's in the crapper,
but as soon as things turn around (which writing itself tends to
induce) I lose interest and go back to fiddling with LEGOs or
something. And that's no way to maintain a
relationship.
Now, when I say "my life's in the crapper,"
what I really mean is "I'm depressed." From an objective point of
view, my life is categorically *not* in the crapper. I have a
beautiful girlfriend and a spacious condo within walking distance
of the university where I am a successful graduate student in
synthetic chemistry. I get along great with my
happily-married-after-thirty-years parents and I see them once or
twice a week. The stipend I get from the university is more than
enough to live comfortably on. And yet my baseline happiness level
is low; so low, in fact, that I am often tempted to the use of
pseudolegal drugs to elevate my mood.
It's a pervasive
phenomenon, now and probably always in American (and possibly
general human) society: The person who has all the secular
trappings of a happy life and yet is still fairly *un*happy on a
day-to-day basis. A lot of people--my parents, for instance--would
tell me that what's missing in my life is spirituality, and to a
point I think I'm inclined to agree. This is a touchy subject for
me, however; my break with the Church of Christ as a teenager was
acrimonious and I am still bitter about it. I believe the
essential tenets of Christian dogma are irrational and readily
corrupted to justify all kinds of horrific actions and attitudes.
What's more, by the time it's watered down enough that I can
stomach it, it's become as limp and flavorless as unitarianism. I
personally think the whole enterprise should be scrapped and our
attitudes reconfigured along the lines of the Dalai Lama's
teachings, the gist of which, as I understand them,
is:
Compassion for the sufferings of others is the only
lasting way to ease one's own, personal, suffering.
This is
a philosophical judo-throw in the spirit of Adam Smith--the
selflessness of selfishness. The analogy to laissez-faire
economics is not hard to make. "By serving one's own interest, one
ultimately serves the communal interest."
Some folks, I
suppose, would be offended by that analogy. But I think it's
accurate, to a point. The difference is that Smith's and the Dalai
Lama's arguments are opposed in their causalities: Smith starts by
asking "What makes for a happy society?" and answers "Selfish
people"; the Dalai Lama starts by asking "What makes for a happy
person?" and answers "Selfless concern for society." This is a
vast simplification of both arguments, of course, and it may not
be possible to draw any really meaningful conclusions from it. We
should not, for instance, give in to the superficial temptation to
say that capitalism is thus incompatible with personal happiness
as the Dalai Lama sees it.
Or should we?
There's no
doubt whatsoever that consumer society is bad for personal
happiness, or at least that a philosophy which is grounded too
strongly in materialism is bad for personal happiness. And it
seems clear that when the monetary powers-that-be pursue their own
rational self-interest in the spirit of Smith what results is a
consumer society filled with advertisements and meaningless
schlock to be bought and sold. And to make such a large market for
so much stuff that people really don't need one has to generate a
culture of consumption in which people feel inadequate without
late models cars, appliances, homes, etc. Desire, the Buddhists
say, is the origin of suffering. Thus, isn't a culture that feeds
on material desire really a culture that feeds on human
suffering?
I think just maybe it is. So how do I opt out?
Therein lies the rub.
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