there are no pills that start with j
A is for 
, when your kid might fall behind;
B is for 
, which keeps you feeling fine.
C is for 
, when there's anthrax in the mail; and
D is for 
, when Christine is on your trail.
E is for 
, when you've got the cancer blues;
F is for 
, when you've got some pounds to lose.
G is for 
, when you're insulin-deprived; and
H is for 
, when there's an alien implant in your spine.
I is for 
, when your migraine's like a knife,
and J is for 
, which won't be legal in this life.
K is for 
, to kick your Xanax jones;
L is for 
, when you're afraid to answer the phone.
M is for 
, to keep the rabbit alive; and
N is for 
, when you need a smoke or five.
O is for 
, when heroin's hard to score;
P is for 
, which leaves you drooling on the floor.
Q is for 
, when the palpitations come; and
R is for 
, when Johnny might just be too dumb.
S is for 
, when you want to cook some tweak;
T is for 
, after you've smoked it for a week.
U is for 
, which still is not controlled; and
V is for 
, of which it's hard to get ahold.
W is for 
, when Prozac's not enough;
X is for 
, which is best when ground and snuffed.
Y is for 
, when your fetus jumps the gun;
and Z is for the 
, which we need, now that we're done.
2003-10-11